Since Recep left, and it’s actually both easier and harder than I thought it would be. Easier, probably because I’m staying at mom & dad’s house, so I haven’t had to do the single parent thing yet. I’ve had to do the wake-up-at-3:30-and-sleep-in-the-rocking-chair-with-crying-baby thing (oh, baby bug, you are 20 months old! Too old for nighttime wakings!), but at least I had good company.
Harder, though, to only talk to him for a few minutes every day. I’m used to us calling each other several times a day, and then spending all evening together. We don’t do things apart. Maybe that makes us weird, I don’t know–but we cook dinner together, we eat together, we put the kids to bed together, when I’m on the treadmill he’s about 3 feet away, working on his computer–and we’re talking the whole time. I find myself looking around for him when I’ve read something funny, wanting to share. I’m aggravated by the smallest things, because he’s not there to soothe things over or tell me to get a little perspective. Our cable isn’t working and I don’t know what to do. Yes, the cable–did you think this was only about my deep yearning for his company? It IS about that. It’s just also a little bit about the cable.
And, of course, with him gone so far away, there’s that nagging voice that pops up now and again. What if he doesn’t come back? Oh, I know, it’s crazy. Really, I do know. But, don’t we all have those little voices sometimes? The ones that tell some of us we’re not pretty enough, or thin enough, or smart enough, or successful enough, or a good enough mother or good enough wife. Please, tell me I’m not the only one with the voices! Anyway, my voice du jour is, what if he likes being home so much that he doesn’t want to come back? It’s completely unimaginable, which is probably why it makes such a good fear for those inner voices (I’m sure Dr. Phil has a better name for it, but we’ll go with my nomenclature for now) to latch on to.
3 days, 21 hours, and 37 minutes since he left. Which leaves me with 16 days, 22 hours, and 23 minutes until he comes back!